emotionally unsound thoughts

Saturday, 18 July 2009

Thursday, 25 December 2008

  • somewhere along the way,
    i think i have lost you.
    that sense of direction,
    the passion and drive,
    i can feel it seeping away.
    the road ahead seems so bleak.
    without you,
    im afraid to take the next step
    into the foggy darkness.
    fear overcomes my being.
    and consumes my soul.
    im so unsure now that you are gone.
    wont you come back to me?
    i miss myself.

Thursday, 04 December 2008

  • the way it was before.
    when i lose myself,
    i think of you.
    but not anymore.
    enough of your words,
    i'm done reading between the lines.
    trying to decipher them,
    only leads to heartache and loss.
     tired of your silly games,
    i'm not playing them anymore.
    enough is enough,
    you can quit messing with my mind now.

    sick.
    cant taste.cant breath.cant feel
    :(

Monday, 24 November 2008

  • few of the things to do
    to annoy me really badly
    is to either question my taste in music,
    make remarks about my depth of the chinese language,
    or
    to act innocent after doing something wrong on purpose.
    which is what one very irritating old man
    manage to do all within 20 minutes.
    firstly,
    dun pretend to take a wrong route and
    then ask me if it was the right way.
    if he can do that to me,
    i really pity the foreigners he picks up.
    secondly,
    dont ever question my taste in music.
    to each his/her own.
    so what if my music is too noisy for you?
    i'm glad it annoy the hell out of you.
    and i had rather listen to songs
    which i can understand
    what it is about.
    thirdly,
    dont ever use the phrase,
    "you are chinese, you should try to learn to understand"
    just cos i said i dont understand chinese.
    have learned, have tried
    and the chinese language made my life
    hell for 10 over years.
    why would i wanna relieve that?
    english is an international language,
    but why aint ppl trying to speak it properly?
    just cos i'm chinese,
    i have to listen to chinese songs and speak chinese?
    its like stereotyping,
    just cos i'm a girl,
    i have to love pink and be a housewife?
    fuck off!
    i'm not interested in the chinese music
    and i dont fucking care if u listen to everything,
    cos does it look like my problem what you think?
    get a life.
    im not interested.
    period.

    btw,
    i got my navel pierced!
    which makes me decide
    to live and let die this incident.
    cos im happy now.
    :)

Tuesday, 07 October 2008

  • i may not look like it, but really, deep inside im just one big wreck. im so hopeless and i really hate myself. i cant seem to feel anymore and i dont know what is it like to actually shed tears again. i find myself being very skeptical and cynical about life. which is something i never want to happen but it seems to be consuming me from within. i can feel myself going crazy and all these pressure is just getting to my brain. im angry but i dont know what im pissed at. im really stress and i just want to break down. i cant keep shouldering all the load that ppl have been piling on me. im still human you know. i dont work miracles, i cant! i can feel my facade cracking and giving way. i try to be there for everyone, but really who is there for me? me,myself? just cos i do not voice it out, it doesnt mean im a happy kid. i have a heart too and i am not immune to pain and heartache. do you think i find it funny to try to remain strong in front of you? i wish i could take off my mask and let you see who i really am, but i know you would not be able to accept me. i thought i had the strength to see you today. that the walls i have build around my heart would guard me from you, but no, just one look, and everything just falls apart. around you, im defenseless. it's true, you weaken my resolution and leave me vulnerable. i wish you would knew how difficult it was for me to just walk away. im so full of wishful thinkings that im getting sick of myself. you asked me why i assert that sort of pressure on myself. i do cos, i dont wanna disappoint the ppl who set expectations for me. even when i do meet their expectations, i would have never met my expectations for myself. i cant accept myself being imperfect. its my greatest weakness. i just want to be able to cry it out but i cant. i wont allowed that to happen. you may say im silly, but you dont know me. i cant even find it in myself to feel again. im going crazy. i hate myself. im so useless for not being that perfect being you expect out of me. im a disappointment. end of story. maybe i should just shut up and die.

Sunday, 05 October 2008

  • there comes a time
    when i just lose myself.
    and i wonder,
    who would be there to catch me
    when i collapse?
    sometimes i wish i have wings.
    so i never have to fall.
    and i would be able to take flight,
    and soar freely.

Wednesday, 01 October 2008

Monday, 29 September 2008

  • feeling good.
    and i like it.

    i think in many ways,
    i could have been better.
    i could have been faster.
    i could have learn quicker.
    it's really all about pushing myself
    TO THE MAX.
    not performing up to my expectations,
    would be like selling myself short.
    i'm really gonna give this my all.
    I PROMISE.

    there really is no stopping me now.
    they say
    "in a man's life, his career should come first."
    that is what i'm gonna do.
    put my career above anything else.
    not for the sake of money or fame.
    but really cos,
    it's just me and this little thing call passion.

Sunday, 28 September 2008

Friday, 26 September 2008

  • i have come to a conclusion.

    if you never did love someone,
    you never will.
    no matter how hard you try.

    if you had love someone,
    you always will.
    even if you have moved on.

    life is such a bitter-sweet irony.