i may not look like it, but really, deep inside im just one big wreck. im so hopeless and i really hate myself. i cant seem to feel anymore and i dont know what is it like to actually shed tears again. i find myself being very skeptical and cynical about life. which is something i never want to happen but it seems to be consuming me from within. i can feel myself going crazy and all these pressure is just getting to my brain. im angry but i dont know what im pissed at. im really stress and i just want to break down. i cant keep shouldering all the load that ppl have been piling on me. im still human you know. i dont work miracles, i cant! i can feel my facade cracking and giving way. i try to be there for everyone, but really who is there for me? me,myself? just cos i do not voice it out, it doesnt mean im a happy kid. i have a heart too and i am not immune to pain and heartache. do you think i find it funny to try to remain strong in front of you? i wish i could take off my mask and let you see who i really am, but i know you would not be able to accept me. i thought i had the strength to see you today. that the walls i have build around my heart would guard me from you, but no, just one look, and everything just falls apart. around you, im defenseless. it's true, you weaken my resolution and leave me vulnerable. i wish you would knew how difficult it was for me to just walk away. im so full of wishful thinkings that im getting sick of myself. you asked me why i assert that sort of pressure on myself. i do cos, i dont wanna disappoint the ppl who set expectations for me. even when i do meet their expectations, i would have never met my expectations for myself. i cant accept myself being imperfect. its my greatest weakness. i just want to be able to cry it out but i cant. i wont allowed that to happen. you may say im silly, but you dont know me. i cant even find it in myself to feel again. im going crazy. i hate myself. im so useless for not being that perfect being you expect out of me. im a disappointment. end of story. maybe i should just shut up and die.